Your soft, sweet kiss

[Abuse.Craft]

I have lost all that I love
Everything that means anything to me.
I see her when I close my eyes
And rather than start over, I wish to die.

All I want is a hug
Your beauty to see.
I always knew that you were the one
So why is it over, why are we done?

You deserve better than this
Yes I know.
But I am sorry, for all these thoughts I think
There are no wetter lips from to drink

No softer lips that I could kiss.
Yes I know,
That I brought this upon myself,
My fault, but I wish I could help

You with your burden,
Yet I know not a way
To show you where
Your feet must go, and you to follow them there.

If this love is a sin
Then drag me through the ground to the deepest abyss
For all that I wish, all that I want,
Everything I long for, everything I want -- everything for your sweet kiss.

[Vaulander]

A nice poem, the rythm is staggered in a few places, but nothing major. Well done.
V.

[Abuse.Craft]

Hmm... staggerred? What do you mean -- I'd like to fix it if possible. I was going for the following:

a
b
c
c

a
b
c#
c#

a#
b#
c##
c##

...

where a&b are 1 rhyme in 2 stanzas and c is 2 rhymes in 1 stanza -- a#, b#, c# are where the rhyme starts over. As for the rhythm.. thats my weak point, i think, so any tips are appreciated.

[Kalias]

Nice poem. Well done.
-Kalias

[Ornbarn]

Nice job.

[kazrah]

I like your style. I particularly like the ending.

Post some more!

[nogatsira]

great poem indeed. nicely expressed.
but i have same feeling bout those rythm as V.
its sometimes very short followed up by a very long sentence and that makes it weird.
but still great! :)

[Abuse.Craft]

I like your style. I particularly like the ending.

Post some more!

Sorry, I dont have anymore recent ones... but I posted my entire archive awhile ago... Ill go resurrect them ^_^